Humility is Key

I must admit, this semester isn't the best. I'm taking 7 classes. A majority of my classes (a tad more than the majority, to be brutally honest)suck balls. Most of them are a waste of my time. I did not pay good money to listen to philosophical vomit. But out of the 7 classes, there is one class I appreciate. In this class we learn to be with clients. Currently I am meeting with a client, who is a volunteer from an undergraduate Intro to Psychology course (they agree to go through therapy in order to get credit for class). I like my client a lot. If I wasn't her therapist, I would definitely be her friend. My first session with her was okay. At the time, I thought I did pretty well. My second session, was not so fantastic. I was humbled. I realized how little i knew, and I really felt inadequate. I actually started to become self-deprecating, which is something stupid that I tend to do. I started calling myself "trash" and legitimately worried that I would fail this course. Seriously, after just two sessions...I know, i was being a drama queen. But I wholeheartedly believed I was trash. I was not fishing for compliments or words of encouragement. My group, bless their souls, is made up wonderful people. They tried to affirm me, which I appreciated, but I didn't believe any of their encouraging words. I knew I sucked, and that was that. (Again, I have an annoying tendency of being ridiculously stubborn over stupid things). Every other week, I get feedback based on a video clip of my therapy session. After I got my feedback, I wasn't very happy. I was advised to say things I usually do not say. It made me uncomfortable, and I did not like that. What if my client thinks that I'm completely off base? What if my planned responses backfire? It worried me, but I knew I had to take risks and get over myself if I truly wanted to grow.

 I went into my third session a little worried, but I wasn't as nervous as I had been before my previous session. My third session, in my opinion, went better than the second. The instances that resonated in my head, however, were times where I was babbling, making no coherent sense whatsoever. By the end of the session, I thought things were picking up. To my surprise, my client said that this particular session was really good. I felt so encouraged. After our clients leave, we receive feedback. So I wanted in my chair, ready to hear a barrage of things I did wrong. I mentioned a few things I thought I did well, which were not many. Then I listed a bunch of things I thought I could have fixed. TO my surprise, again, my TA was very encouraging. Taking risks and staying calm worked. I am so excited to get better. Being rocked by my suckiness really made me look into myself and strive to become better. Don't get me wrong, I'm still worried that I will crash and burn when my next session comes around. However, I still greatly appreciate that sucking is part of the learning process. I'm excited to know what the future holds for me. I know I will get bloodied along the way, but it will be completely worth it if it makes me close to perfect. (how snobby did i sound at the very end? Very? Good, that was my intention.)