Day 31: More mrdoob art.

I think i've figured out what i may be doing for a while on this blog. I'm going to upload my little doodles that I do in class. I'm such a fabulous student. It is so much fun. Give it a try!

Day 30: You Can Make Art

So I fell upon this program online that can make anything you draw look artsy fartsy. It is fantastic! I love it! Here is the link: http://mrdoob.com/projects/harmony/#sketchy

And here are some artworks I did using this program. SO COOL!

Day 29: "Tonight We Are Young...

So let's set the world on FIRE. We can burn brighter than the sun"

Day 28: Perspective

Sometimes the world is so cruel. People are sickening.
There are people who have it much worse than we do. Be thankful that you dont have a life as miserable as theirs, that we were fortunate not to have been born into such a devastating situation.
Something to think about:

Day 27: Rambunctious

Today was a crazy night out. And I was the biggest beezy known to man. Wow, I didn't know I could be so cruel. It was ridiculous.

Day 26: Song

I love this song. Hate the music video.

Day 25: So Lazy

I am so lazy.
I don't want to go to school.
I sound like a child.
I don't to wake up in the morning.

Day 24: Why Men and Women Can't Just be Friends

Girls are dumb sometimes. But I always knew this to be true, so I'm glad to know I'm not part of the stupid.

Day 23: Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

I've been watching clips all day. I'm drooling. Good God, I'm craving some bomb food like no other right now, right before i head to bed.

Day 22: Transformers

I think I'm going to turn my ugly, over-sized shirts into infinity scarves. yay!

Day 21: Goldmine

We are relational beings. We are not built to be alone. This rings true for me. I want to find somebody who can share my pains with me and I would do the same for the other person. Because a friendship based on good times and smiles can only stretch so far. But a person who sticks with you in the midst of trials and builds you up when you're falling down is an invaluable gold mine.

Day 20: Food Klepto

Today I denied a meal of In n out and went to class. 1 hour in and i was starving. Desperate for nourishment, I opened the freezer. There were a few frozen meals and a box of skinny cow fudge bars. I had seen the bars in the freezer for a while now and never took any because I was afraid they belonged to somebody. Week after week I'd see the bars sitting in the freezer calling out to me, and each time I'd turn my head the other way. This time the bars called out to me and I answered like a man under the spell of a siren's song. I ate that sucker. And I didn't regret it. Hope this doesn't make me a selfish bitch.

Day 19: Stronger Than Yesterday

I've been having a particular stressor (which I will not elaborate over the web. Sorry, I'm not ready to share intimate details of my life to make things juicy and to gain more followers). Yesterday, I was a mess. I went into shock and I felt hopeless. I felt so overwhelmed that I could not function nor could I seize worrying about it. Tears flowed involuntarily. I felt so weak. But then I remembered that I was slightly sleep deprived and sleep deprivation makes me very susceptible to my emotions. I got 8 hours of sleep this time (part of it was interrupted by my cat waking me up at 3:30AM by kissing me) and I felt stronger. The stressor still exists and it fills me with worry, but today I feel like I can handle it. I feel like it wont rule me. I feel like I can overcome it. I have hope. Sometimes I feel like my sense of hope becomes shaky and seems to dissipate. Nevertheless, hope still exists. I grasp onto that hope, because that's the only thing that is keeping me going.

Day 18: Hard Day

Today was a hard day for me, but it has gotten better.
Now, where's that dang cat of mine? I want to snuggle with him.

Day 17: Stress

Stress can be so debilitating. The object of the stressor seems to constantly plague my mind. I can't shake it off or bring myself to peace. As soon as I experience temporarily relief from it, something triggers reality that the stressor is still there. I have been noticing changes in the way I've been interacting with others and the way I have been feeling. I feel down and more prone to negativity. Then I have to tell myself to snap out of it, and to stop feeling for myself. Usually that does the trick. I refuse to victimize myself and to throw pity parties for myself, which only makes the cycle of negativity persistent and stronger. Though I can fight through my own negativity, the stress is still there. And today it is bearing down on me like a ton of bricks. Here's to a better tomorrow.

Day 16: Home Sweet/Bitter Home

I am not the perfect daughter. I do not come close to being perfect when it comes to being a daughter. I snap when I shouldn't and I say things that are not particularly nice nor appropriate in the things I say to my mom. I love my mom, but she is difficult person to live with. She is ridiculously stubborn and anything that does not comply with her is wrong. She does not really consider other people's feelings, while her own feelings come primarily in her life and the way she views different situations. I could spend hours, days, or even months logically and emphatically explaining a situation in which she has done something wrong, and it would never get through to her as long as she firmly believes she is right. I wish I could have more patience when it comes to dealing with my mom, but she knows how to push all the right buttons and push me over the edge.

Today was one of those days. I said really horrible things to my mom in my anger. Albeit, she was wrong, but I wasn't right either. Therefore, I was being no better than she was. I grit my teeth after my venomous rant, and I apologized. Of course, she snapped at me and didn't accept my apology right away because she was angered by all that I had said. I didn't handle it very well and snapped back. But, I took one step forward this day. And that was I apologized. It was hard to say that I was sorry when I knew fully well that she was wrong, but I was sorry for the way I had spoken to her and yelled at her. I built up the courage to say I was sorry.

My dad is another character. He has a short fuse. When he comes home from work, the stress that has built up throughout the course of the day makes that fuse even shorter (or maybe even close to non-existent). He sometimes is not in the shape to take any crap from my mom. Today was one of those days. Let's just say that today was not a good day. My dad snapped, and when my dad snaps you don't know what's going to happen. It is upsetting when my parents fight. It's upsetting to me, especially when I am home by myself when my parents fight. My dad overreacts and my mom doesn't know how to back down. They fuel each others' fire and make matters worse.

We are a family of short fuses. When those fuses go off, things are not pretty. Home sweet home is no longer such. It's hard sometimes. Right now, it is hard. But tomorrow, it will be a better day.

Day 15: Goal

I will make it a goal not to eat out for two weeks.

Day 14: So Full

I ate so much.
I am so full.
I still crave more.
Why?

Day 13: Plan B

Today we role played again in class. We had to pair up with a partner and took turns playing a therapist and a patient. This time the scenario was that we would experience a suicidal client during our intake. As a therapist, I did horribly. I got stuck and asked horribly, stupid questions that probably would have made the client go...WTF...in real life. Thank God this was a fake situation, because if it was the real thing, my client would probably already be dead on the floor during my intake. That's how horrible I am.

On the other hand, as an actor playing the client, (I don't mean to brag) I was amazing. I played a depressed girl who caught her boyfriend of 5 years cheating on her. Man, I almost had tears falling down my face as I described how I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. So I have decided that if I utterly fail as a psychologist, I have a back-up plan: to become an actress.

Day 12: Watching a Movie on a School Night

I'm currently watching a movie called "What's Your Number?" with Anne Farris (sp?) and Chris Evans. It is about some chick who learns that women who sleep with over 20 men have a harder time getting married (or something like that). Anne Farris's character has slept with 20, she tries to look for her exes to see if things would work out with them. Chris Evans plays her neighbor who likes hide out in Anne's room every morning after he has his one night stands. Chris helps Anne find her exes in exchange for hiding out in her apartment (SO STUPID, i know). Long story short, they fall for each other. This is one of the stupidest movies i have ever seen in my entire life. I have never liked Anne Farris. The way she talks makes me watch to punch her in her effing throat.

So, why did I watch the entire movie that was a disaster from the start?
CHRIS EVANS is just too good looking. I could not stop for his sake.
But, by God, I am never watching this piece of crap ever again.

Day 11: Role Playing

I'm not talking about sexual favors, when I talk about role playing. Today in class, we took turns role playing for us to get a feel for what it would be like when we meet clients for the first time. I confirmed my fear that I will be a horrendous clinician, because I did a pretty horrible job. Several times, I had to interrupt the role play to ask my own question. And my "uuhhh"s were quite bountiful. If this is anything like the real thing, I am screwed. Why can't I be more cool and charismatic?

Day 10: Backpack

Bought a backpack online for $50. Hope it was worth it.

Day 9: First Day of School

My alarm rang at 7:00AM. So I promptly got out of bed 7:30AM. I woke up with a splitting headache and from a dream where I was yelling at a kid for bullying. I knew today was going to be one splendid day. Mark the sarcasm, if you will. I checked sigalert to see how bad traffic was. Damn, there's an accident. It's going to be pretty bad. I don't have time to fix my hair. I don't eat breakfast, but my mom packs me lunch (bless her soul) and I embark on my journey. Every bad song was playing on the radio. It was horrible. And guess what? There was NO traffic. I realized halfway that I looked at traffic for 91w rather than 91E, which was the route I was taking to go to school. Needless to say, I arrived at school 25 minutes early. I decided to fix my hair in the car, taking up an extra 10 minutes or so. By the way, the hair fixing did not do me any good. I looked like crap. I went to class. I tried to be happy as my classmates came through the door, but I'm pretty sure my lack of enthusiasm was completely obvious. Sorry, guys. For the first 1.5 hours, I felt like bricks were tied to my eyelids. I swear to you, I was seeing double. I felt like I was in a cage. My head was not clear. I was tired, grumpy, and hungry. All because I woke up at at seven freaking thirty. Considering that I woke up past 10am everyday during winter break, this is quite an adjustment. I like my sleep. I ate during our 15 minute break, and it was as if someone jolted me awake. Then I was able to be more attentive during class. I love my food too. I gained 5 pounds during a 1 week span. I'm pretty sure it's almost that time of the month, and I give into my cravings every single time. Oh well.

Day 8: Sweet Potato

I love sweet potato.
Sweet potato FRIES (and if you know me, I'm not a big fan of just potato fries)
Baked sweet potato
Sweet potato bread
Sweet potato pie
Sweet potato anything.
Love em.
I have several baking in the even right now.
School starts tomorrow. Might has well have a damn sweet potato to make my night, before school starts, at least somewhat eventful.

Day 7: Socially Awkward Penguin

Have you heard of the "Socially Awkward Penguin" meme? For those of you who don't know, a meme is like a phrase, idea, picture, video, or gif that just spread all over the internet. It's funny at first, and then once it's overused all over the internet, it turns annoying and stupid. You hear people spew phrases like "first world problems." That's a meme. I hate people who use memes in their daily vernacular. It annoys the living crap out of me. Overused memes make what USED to be a clever and original thought into a useless blabber by people who think they are being clever by using these internet bits that are just plain stupid at the end of the day. (That may have been a run-on sentence, but it's not as bad as using memes in one's everyday language). If I happened to insult you because you use memes when you speak to others in real life, I am sorry. But that doesn't detract from the fact that it is annoying as hell. Sorry that you are annoying as hell and that I find your annoying behavior annoying as hell.

Anyway, back to the subject of the Socially Awkward Penguin meme. I was looking at this link, which I will post below, and I could relate to about 90% of the memes. I think that is a pretty good sign that I am pretty socially awkward. Enjoy.

http://www.quickmeme.com/Socially-Awkward-Penguin/

Day 6: Happy First Friday of 2012

Starting Monday I will go back to school. Winter break felt much too short. My heart is crying and grieving inside. I will learn how to interact with clients and have just a taste of what my life in clinical psychology will look like. I am scared, partly because I will have to endure and excel in situations where I am socially uncomfortable. It is a bit daunting to me, since I consider myself to be a bit socially inept. However, despite all my fears of failure, I know that I have to fail and falter in order to grow and become better. It's a painful, but enhancing process. I do not look forward to it, but it needs to be done. See you on the other (and hopefully better) side.

Day 5: Apple Pie

I wanted to make apple pie. So tonight I did. Yahoo! had an apple pie recipe from a blue ribbon winner and that's the recipe I used with my own little tweaks (because I didn't have some items on hand). Because of this, I thought that this should be pretty damn good since it's a blue ribbon pie winner. (Why would a blue ribbon pie winner expose her secret recipe? I'm a little suspicious). Anyway this is what I did:

Crust
1 cup butter (original recipe called for shortening)
2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup cold water (I used a little bit more because the dough was too dry with just 1/4 cup)

Apples (my mom bought fuji apples. They turned out fine. You can use empire or cortland or granny if you want. Don't really matter)

Sugar Topping
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
2 Tbsp Flour (I would suggest using more flour to thicken it up a little more)

1.) Cut up butter into small chunks. Make sure the butter is COLD.
2.) Mix flour and salt.
3.) Cut up butter into flour until pea-sized.
4.) Add cold water. Mix it until dough comes together. Try not to touch it too much or your dough will start to get soggy and sticky. You don't want something that is hard to work with.
5.) Separate into two equal balls.
6.) Wrap and put into fridge.
7.) Slice apples THINLY. Tastes better in my opinion.
8.) Mix sugar, cinnamon, flour. Set aside.
9.) Roll out dough. Be quick. Flour surface, the dough, and rolling pin. It won't stick.
10.) First crust put into pie pan. Sprinkle with several table spoons of the cinnamon sugar mixture.
11.) Layer apples. Then sprinkle with cinnamon sugar mixture. Repeat until you use all your apples, and most of your cinnamon sugar. Don't use all of your cinnamon sugar.
12.) 2nd crust on top of apples. Trim away excess sides (you can use those to decorate the top if you want. I cut out little leaves and rectangles)
13.) Cut several slits in the middle for the filling to aerate.
14.) Decorate the pie edge if you wish. Pressing the ends of a fork into the edges is easiest for decorative purposes.
15.) Brush crust with egg wash.
16.) Bake at 425 for 20 minutes. Reduce to 350 and bake for 30-40 minutes until down and golden brown. COOL for a few minutes, then enjoy.

THE CRUST ROCKS!!! SO GOOD.

Day 4: Being an Introvert

I fell upon this blog entry by this dude named Carl King (thank you, facebook newsfeed). He discusses 10 myths about introverts he read about in a book or something of that matter. I thought they were interesting, especially because I am pretty introverted myself. He even made his own comments to the myths. So I will make my own comments (in italics) in response to his comments and see how true they are.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

WOW so true! I abhor small talk. Makes me want to die.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Sometimes I am afraid of people. But again, this dude is spot on. I bounce off of people's energy. So if someone I don't know well starts conversation with me and keeps things interesting, I tend to reciprocate without feeling awkward and wanting to kill myself.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

I never heard of such a stupid myth before.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

I'm pretty damn loyal and I have very little friends (because I have no life). I don't expect people to think that they are special for being my friend. This is a load of crap.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

I like public places, but I do not like social gatherings where I have to meet people for the first time (death by small talk). That's all.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

God, this makes introverts sound like losers. Damn you, Carl. So dumb.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy. I

ntroverts ARE weird. Everyone has a little weird in them. Who cares? Why do you have to be such a little girl, Carl?

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. I

WISH I was an aloof nerd. I'm just aloof sometimes. Awkwardly aloof. That's not as cool as being an aloof nerd.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Eff you, Carl. I love adrenaline rushes. I love dopamine; therefore, I love chocolate. Damn it, Carl, you really tried to make yourself sound all smart with this biology crap. Guess what? It didn't work.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become “normal.” Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.

I can fake it, but I'll never believe it. At least Carl got this one spot on. Don't think I will ever be fully comfortable in social settings where I have to meet people for the first time.

Day 3: Dreams

I had a dream last night that I got into a bit of a spat with a friend. I held my tongue like i normally would, and then I let loose. Curse words were definitely involved. Even in my dream, I had a heart and apologized for my behavior to loosen the tension. From that nice little dream, I learned something: I need to be more forward in expressing my thoughts and slight aggression when I feel like I'm being wrong. Albeit, I don't always have to drop F-bombs because I feel so inclined to do so with the immediate sensation of angst, but I need to learn how to stand up for myself. I like to avoid confrontation, but sometimes at my own expense. I can get taken advantage of at times. Of course, there's a limit on how far people can go. I'm not THAT much of a pushover. In order to be confident in myself and become more sure in myself I need to learn to stand up for myself and articulately express my thoughts. There's a way this can be done without being a complete douche or sounding like a savage. It's an art form if you think about it. It is definitely something I will work on this 2012. Beware of Jean, bitch!

Day 2: I love Mexican Food

I still have not been endowed with a grand epiphany of what I should do with this blog. BUT there is an event today I can rave about. In Anaheim, there's this mexican joint close to Disneyland called Alerto's. And holy crap, it's delicious. Their carne asada burrito is killer and it's all for $4.95. What a steal! I'm so full right now. I look very pregnant, and I still don't regret beasting the burrito. It's full of meat and guacamole. I poured on this red sauce, which I thought was delicious. Oh my Lord, I want more! I scarfed it down like I was a starving child. Oh man, this is the only reason I came down to Anaheim (aside from hanging out with my friends).

Anyway, I have nothing insightful to add.

This blog post blows even harder than yesterday's post.

Day 1: Happy New Year

I wanted to come up with a fun project (for me) to accomplish for 365 days for the year of 2012. It is currently January 1, 2012 and this attempt at a fun project is failing. So for now, my "fun" project is to write a blog entry everyday for 365 days. I feel a little narcissistic, because, honestly, how special do I think I am that I should document my thoughts for others to access on the daily? I must think I'm pretty damn special. But then again, I'm not holding a gun to people's heads forcing them to read these blog entries, thinking I'm the business. So I guess I'm not much of a narcissist.

Today was New Year's Day. I didn't like that it fell on a Sunday. I'm hungry (even though I ate a crap load of food). Maybe I will work out tomorrow if I wake up on time. This first blog entry really blows. I hope it will get better before my 365 days are up.